Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Hurting Hearts

Tonight we went to Best Buy. We had a gift card and thought we would let the kids each pick out a DVD.   Tobin couldn't make up his mind because all of his movies were gone and he "... just can't make this decision". He had a knock down, drag out, throwing, kicking, screaming, crying fit. He is hurting so bad.

My heart hurt for him. My heart hurt with him.

Tonight I heard crying from the kids room.  It was Caroline.  She was crying because she was scared and said, "I miss our house mommy!" 

I miss it too.  Who knew you could miss 600 square feet of cramped space? It was home, and this is now.  She can't quite understand that. I asked her what she missed.  She said she misses her closet (I made the bottom of their closet into a play house), and her Rapunzel doll.  I told her, "You have a new one, just like your old one.  It's the same exact Rapunzel doll."
She replied, "But it smells different mommy". 

My heart her for her.  My heart hurt with her.

Tony has been back to work this week.  I think we both knew (or thought we knew) that it would force us back into some sort of "normal" daily life.  While it did force us into a scheduled routine, nothing can force normalcy.  His heart needs time to grieve.  I think it was a hard decision for him to make, but after talking to his peers and superiors at work, he has decided that's the right thing to do.  It wasn't an easy decision.  I know it was hard coming to that decision, not because of pride at all, but because I don't think he quite knew he needed to grieve.

My heart hurts for him.  My heart hurts with him.

As everyone else in the house sleeps tonight, I sit here and type.  I too, am grieving.  It's a weird thing to me.  I haven't quite put my finger on what we are all grieving.  Was it the trauma of escaping the fire? Was it losing every possession we owned?  Is it starting over that's so hard?  It may be a combination of some or all of those things, I'm not quite sure.  All I know is, we are all hurting tonight.  I'm not even sure if I should publish this post.  "What will people think?" 

Grieving is not a sign of weakness.  It is a sign we are human.  It is why we need HIM to help us get through everything.  We are believers of a Holy and loving God who paid he ultimate sacrifice for us.  Tonight, he is my comfort. He is my sustainer.  Tonight, I covet your prayers of peace and comfort for my family.  I know this is a process.  I know we will get through this.  I know we will be stronger. This one thing I know is true...

Psalm 46:1  God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. 


CurlyCate said...

Rachel, I am so glad you posted this.
I think it's good to share the truth of your thoughts and feelings.
You all need to grieve, this is very true. You should be able to hurt through this...and the way you are doing it is very healthy and good. You're seeking God, seeking help from Him, from each other and from others. We all love you so much and our hearts hurt for you too! Praying for you all the time, and I really want to help you. Can I get some more movies for Tobin? I'd love to. And sweet Caroline, I would love to help her in any way I can. Love you all so much, and so very proud of you and thankful for you!

Ashley McWhorter said...

Hey girl. Praying for y'all everyday! This is a blog I read... encourage you to read it. Reach out to her. She and her family lost everything in a fire almost 2 years ago. Love you girl and your precious family!!!

SarahandJon said...

HI Rachel and Tony. I have been reading your new blog and just want to say we have not quit praying for your family since I saw the fires went thru and took your home. I know I have not written, but we have been having our SS class at church be in prayer for your family.
I can't pretend to imagine what you are going through, but I can tell you are trusting in the Lord and letting him carry you through this unbelievable situation. I know some days are better than others and its easy to start feeling guilty for being discouraged because people have been really generous and supportive--but you can't feel bad for hurting, because you guys are human, and it does hurt and you are in pain from dealing with something you have no idea how to get through. But the fact that you continue to turn to the Lord and find strength in his power and wisdom to keep you going is the exciting/renewing part of it all. I am kinda like you and think that I should just get over it because I know God was not surprised by all this and in the end he has a plan..etc, but in reality God knows that i have to learn to lean on him to make it through the situation--and part of that is grieving and having all those feelings that creep up on you when the world stops for a moment and you realize what has really happened. The important part is that in those times you turn to the Lord for hope! You guys are great parents and are doing a fantastic job leading your children in the right direction and being Godly examples. Keep up the good fight! We are praying for you!
Sarah Rose Gee

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