Tuesday, August 28, 2012


Our family just returned from a weekend trip to Dallas. Some good friends of ours treated us to a weekend away to clear our heads and spoil ourselves for a couple of days.  We stayed in a hotel, for the first time as a family, went to Legoland discovery center, and SeaLife aquarium.  We ate out at restaurants and went to Ikea.  I'm working on a couple of long posts with lots of photos.  For now, here is a little tease...

I didn't tell people where we were going. I didn't even tell people we were even going to be gone.  I had a friend grab our mail every day, and took precautions to have people watch our home. Tony and I have been reading about the different stages of grieving.  After anger is bargaining.  When we left for our trip on Friday, I was so fearful to leave our home.  It seems strange, especially since we don't own much now; In fact, it almost seems ironic.  Then it hit me-- I realized I was in the bargaining stage of grief.  Tony and I talked through lots of things while we were on this trip.  We wanted healing so bad.  We knew healing would come, but wanted it NOW.  Healing comes when we have worked through all the pain, and that wasn't the easiest thing for us.  We laughed and cried.  We had lots of fun, but not every moment was fun.  Lets just say, we aren't our best version of our selves right now.   Lots of crazy things happened on this trip.  Lots of miracles happened on this trip.  Every day needs to have it's own blog, just to do it justice.  I'll do my best to get them written quickly. 

By the time we were on our way home we realized we were so ready to be "home".  Yes! HOME!  Our little house is starting to feel like home.  What a comforting feeling it is to walk in the door and know you are HOME.  The timing of this trip was in God's perfect plan for us.  I can't wait to share all the details.  Tonight, I'll leave you with this song from Kari Jobe.  I know, I know, I can hear you saying , "Another Kari Jobe song? really?"  I don't know if these songs speak to you, but they are perfect for us. 

"Steady My Heart"

Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much

But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart [x2]

I'm not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan

And I will run to You
You're my refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are

You steady my heart [x2]

This song is perfectly where I am now.  I'm past the bargaining. I'm getting out of the depression stage(it hasn't lasted long and I don't want it too) and I am headed towards acceptance. I think by tomorrow, I'll be there.  Until then, I will keep singing this song to myself in praise to the one and only one who can steady my heart. 

~Rachel Hope

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