Monday, October 26, 2009

A New Daily Life

The night of my diagnosis of ITP last weekend, my doctor told me I could not nurse Caroline anymore. As you nursing mothers may know, it's not fun to quit cold-turkey. The hospital stay was hard, and harder for that reason (not just physically, but emotionally as well). God has truly blessed me in that I have been able to nurse both my babies. I am thankful that I had 8 months with Caroline. This week has been pretty emotional for me, as well. I went through the grieving process. I was in denial, then anger/depression for about a day, trying to find my footing, and now I life a new life-thankful for every minute of every day. The side effects of the steroids are bugging me, but I know once I am in full remission those will go away.

My Doctor has also informed me that I should have no more babies. We are praying, and trusting God that I will be in remission for years and they might give me the okay. He is the ultimate healer, but we also know that we are so blessed to have our boy and our girl. So, now that the dust has settled a little, I would like to ask for prayer for our future. The couple who wanted many kids may not have many kids. I almost feel it is selfish to feel this way-wanting more, considering that I have my life and that so easily could have been taken away so quickly. Now I realize how lucky and blessed I am to be alive, at all. I'm rambling... I just ask that you'll please pray with us as we ask God to give us peace for our future.

Caroline has been teething, and wants me for comfort. That has been the hardest part of this, besides my healing- forcing her to be weaned when she doesn't understand why, and doesn't want to. I'm not sure why I'm writing this post except to be quite honest, I want to document it for me so one day I won't forget how precious this time was for me. It's even harder forcing my baby to take a bottle, knowing that there is a huge possibility this may be our last baby. (and by forcing, I don't mean that she has trouble eating- she LOVES to eat, anything!)

I want to end this post with a few photos to remember this stage of my life.

I'll miss her sweet feet hanging out of my nursing cover...

I'll miss her sweet satisfaction when she's through eating

I'll miss her crossing her fingers as she nurses- Now, when she drinks a bottle she holds onto it, instead of me.

I'll miss her sweet face staring up at me.
Thank you, Lord for giving me this sweet time with my babies. I am forever grateful.


Nicole Knox said...

Tim and I are praying for you guys. We love how you guys love your children so much=) We love you guys!!!

Michelle M said...

You don't know me, but I just wanted you to know I am praying for you. I have a little boy a few weeks younger than your little girl, so I can really appreciate how hard that had to be to give up nursing suddenly. You and your family are in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

I'm crying as I'm reading this post!! I will always remember our "nursing" times together with our two babies! I loved it when they would make their cute lil' noises while they would nurse and we would just laugh (knowing they were 'well' satisfied!) And, our park days when we would nurse & gossip while the big brothers would play! :) I LOVE YOU, Rach and I'm sooo proud of all of the time & love you gave sweet Caroline while you nursed her! I'm praying that God allow you guys to have babies again down the road. Wheter you have them naturally or adopt I'm praying that you will again get to enjoy this part of it all (nursing!). You and your family are in our prayers!! XoXoXo
Love, Kim Martin

Kristyn said...

Tears flow down my face as I read this. I am so sorry to hear this Rach. It brings back memories with me and Ryleigh. I was not able to create milk for her this time and it made me feel awful!!! I miss nursing her and nursing Jayce for that matter. I will pray that it is an easy transition for the both of you. I'm so sorry girl!!!! I hope that both of you do well with this!

Brie said...

Your post has brought tears to my eyes as well. I am so lucky to be able to nurse Kinsey and can't imagine what it would be like to wean her before we were both ready. You are a strong woman and you will get through this, although the sudden change in hormones will not be easy on top of the steroids. Hang in there and we will be praying for your family!

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