Friday, August 31, 2012
Just an update on how we are all doing. Although pictures of our trip last weekend are great, I am sure some of you are wondering how this week has gone. Tonight was a "Normal" day. A sitter watched the kids for a few hours so Tony and I could run some errands together. We went out for frozen yogurt tonight. Our new normal is starting to show it's face.
Caroline cries at bedtime every night still. Last night was, by far, the worst night we have had since the fire. She says she is scared. When we ask her why she is scared, it is always a different reason- the dark, shadows, noises, etc. I honestly think this is some sort of Post Traumatic Stress. When the fire happened we woke her from her "sleep" to get to safety. I don't think this is conscious for her to understand. I just think she is scared. Period. Please continue to pray for her little heart to be filled with peace, and not fear. Tonight she watched us lock the doors and test the smoke alarms. We will not do this every night, but I thought it was important to emphasize "how" we are safe. There were no tears tonight, just words from her telling us how she was scared. We prayed together, like every night, then we talked through it and she eventually got to sleep.
Tony and I are doing remarkably well. I told Tony tonight, "I feel like I have my best friend back". He is happy again. He is funny again, telling his jokes and making us all laugh. We had a dance party in the living room tonight. I can tell that his heart is finally at peace.
How am I doing? I am doing great! I am not sad anymore. I am joyful and excited about the future and ready to move forward. I'm not saying I won't ever be sad again, but I am ready to focus on the what is ahead for us. I started planning Tobin's 6th birthday party tonight, and setting a date for my Scentsy "RE-Launch" party. I lost every bit of my business, and am starting over, so I'm planning an open house to book parties, get orders, and "start over", as far as my business goes. I'm actually getting excited about it. Life has not been an easy process for me the last week or so. Well, none of this has been easy, but I think I only had one week where I was really suffering, and sad. I was eating, but not tasting. I was smiling on the outside, but numb on the inside. I feel like we can have a new normal now. I am thrilled to see what the future will bring!
We talked with a counselor this week. It helped a lot! If I took one thing away it was the fact that I need to stop saying "should"... "I should have grabbed this, or done this. I should feel this way. I should act this way." There is no "Lose Everything To A House Fire: For Dummies" book. Who says I should feel or act a certain way? NO one! Once I got this idea into my head and the should's out of my head, I started my mind going in the right direction. Being positive is important. There will be no more should have, should be, or should not for me. I will simply be who I am, say how I feel, and accept it all knowing that all along, I have purpose. I have worth. HE has a plan for us!
So, that pretty much sums up the "How ya doin" questions for now.
Keep praying for us. I'll keep writing. This blog is kind of like free therapy for me. Thanks for all the prayers and support! We are so blessed!