Tonight we went to Best Buy. We had a gift card and thought we would let the kids each pick out a DVD. Tobin couldn't make up his mind because all of his movies were gone and he "... just can't make this decision". He had a knock down, drag out, throwing, kicking, screaming, crying fit. He is hurting so bad.
My heart hurt for him. My heart hurt with him.
Tonight I heard crying from the kids room. It was Caroline. She was crying because she was scared and said, "I miss our house mommy!"
I miss it too. Who knew you could miss 600 square feet of cramped space? It was home, and this is now. She can't quite understand that. I asked her what she missed. She said she misses her closet (I made the bottom of their closet into a play house), and her Rapunzel doll. I told her, "You have a new one, just like your old one. It's the same exact Rapunzel doll."
She replied, "But it smells different mommy".
My heart her for her. My heart hurt with her.
Tony has been back to work this week. I think we both knew (or thought we knew) that it would force us back into some sort of "normal" daily life. While it did force us into a scheduled routine, nothing can force normalcy. His heart needs time to grieve. I think it was a hard decision for him to make, but after talking to his peers and superiors at work, he has decided that's the right thing to do. It wasn't an easy decision. I know it was hard coming to that decision, not because of pride at all, but because I don't think he quite knew he needed to grieve.
My heart hurts for him. My heart hurts with him.
As everyone else in the house sleeps tonight, I sit here and type. I too, am grieving. It's a weird thing to me. I haven't quite put my finger on what we are all grieving. Was it the trauma of escaping the fire? Was it losing every possession we owned? Is it starting over that's so hard? It may be a combination of some or all of those things, I'm not quite sure. All I know is, we are all hurting tonight. I'm not even sure if I should publish this post. "What will people think?"
Grieving is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign we are human. It is why we need HIM to help us get through everything. We are believers of a Holy and loving God who paid he ultimate sacrifice for us. Tonight, he is my comfort. He is my sustainer. Tonight, I covet your prayers of peace and comfort for my family. I know this is a process. I know we will get through this. I know we will be stronger. This one thing I know is true...