The night of my diagnosis of ITP last weekend, my doctor told me I could not nurse Caroline anymore. As you nursing mothers may know, it's not fun to quit cold-turkey. The hospital stay was hard, and harder for that reason (not just physically, but emotionally as well). God has truly blessed me in that I have been able to nurse both my babies. I am thankful that I had 8 months with Caroline. This week has been pretty emotional for me, as well. I went through the grieving process. I was in denial, then anger/depression for about a day, trying to find my footing, and now I life a new life-thankful for every minute of every day. The side effects of the steroids are bugging me, but I know once I am in full remission those will go away.
My Doctor has also informed me that I should have no more babies. We are praying, and trusting God that I will be in remission for years and they might give me the okay. He is the ultimate healer, but we also know that we are so blessed to have our boy and our girl. So, now that the dust has settled a little, I would like to ask for prayer for our future. The couple who wanted many kids may not have many kids. I almost feel it is selfish to feel this way-wanting more, considering that I have my life and that so easily could have been taken away so quickly. Now I realize how lucky and blessed I am to be alive, at all. I'm rambling... I just ask that you'll please pray with us as we ask God to give us peace for our future.
Caroline has been teething, and wants me for comfort. That has been the hardest part of this, besides my healing- forcing her to be weaned when she doesn't understand why, and doesn't want to. I'm not sure why I'm writing this post except to be quite honest, I want to document it for me so one day I won't forget how precious this time was for me. It's even harder forcing my baby to take a bottle, knowing that there is a huge possibility this may be our last baby. (and by forcing, I don't mean that she has trouble eating- she LOVES to eat, anything!)
I want to end this post with a few photos to remember this stage of my life.
I'll miss her sweet feet hanging out of my nursing cover...